A Coaching Model Created by Dalia El Seddik
(Life Coach, EGYPT)
Alignment of values and way of life; is it the key to reach our reality, wholeness, effectiveness and eventually to be contented?
Can person live and bear to live without having this alignment in one of his life stages?
What would happen if he reaches this alignment? How would his life look like? How he would feel towards himself and society he lives in?
Introduction:
What is Value:
Value is a concept that describes the beliefs of an individual or culture. A set of values may be placed into the notion of a value system. Values are considered subjective and vary across people and cultures. Personal values evolve from circumstances with the external world and can change over time. They are implicitly related to choice; they guide decisions by allowing for an individual’s choices to be compared to each choice’s associated values. Even they are developed early in life may be resistant to change. They may be derived from those of particular groups or systems, such as culture, religion, and political party, however, personal values are not universal; one’s genes, family, nation and historical environment help determine one’s personal values. This is not to say that the value concepts themselves are not universal, merely that each individual possess a unique conception of them i.e. a personal knowledge of the appropriate values for their own genes, feelings and experience.[1]
For several reasons a person may not have such alignment which may lead him to fall in conflict between what he wants to do deep inside and what he does.
Client may with experience, observations, education, or else he went through in his life, have different values than his society agree on, whether his values or his society values which is right, it isn’t our role to judge.
Conflict between his values and what required from him to do whether to get job, promoted, enter certain community (brotherhood), to be well known, charming for girls or boys.
We don’t mean here with values a high moral ones (from our point of view), it means any values a person can have and circumstances makes this person behave differently than he wish or believe is right or feeling deep inside that there is something wrong in what he is doing. A person can fall in this conflict and don’t know reasons behind his unhappiness or frustration or can’t be socialized.
That is why I felt that colored cubs the finest demonstration of my idea. When we buy the colored cube it come each color aligned with its match, like babies when they born, then with time a lot of intervention affect and start to shape us either by keeping us aligned with the values we brought up on and believe in, or to find ourselves in conflict what’s deep inside and what required from us in order to be accepted.
In some cases we know our values and aware of what is happening around us what forces are involved, and from my point of view it’s easier on the person as self-awareness is a very powerful key, he would know what and why he behave in such a way what combination he is going to follow to reach his goals.
With time passing a person may start to forget his values or bury it without knowing he is doing so, and may start feels yes I am behaving in such way but deep inside I feel something else, but don’t know what is it; which will lead him to frustrated life, which eventually will have a huge impact on his life, family, work, colleagues and all surround him.
We can call this values which are there deep inside underlying believes. Unconsciously think of something and behave consciously in another.
Model Summary:
1. Client clarify his goal
2. Check and explore this goal more deeply against his values and believes.
3. Several option can found,
A) Found match between values and goal just need to have action plan.
B) Not fully match, what makes him feel not motivated to take action, or feeling the enjoyment of fulfilling his goal.
A) Found Match between Values and Goal:
- Client with coach put plan to reach checked goal
- Consider detailed plan, for easier following and measuring achievement
- Client and coach agree on way of measuring, as in some stages client can’t see changes, but actually a change is building up to be measured in another stage, that’s very important to be clarified to client in order not to feel frustrated.
- Check how much of achievement have been done after agreeing with your client on following up frequency with him (weekly, monthly)
- Check client satisfaction of his achievement, do they need to accelerate or slowdown in order to enjoy achievement process and accept the feeling of rewarded or prized.
- Check with your client after accomplish his goals; satisfaction, celebration, acknowledgement of his accomplishment, whether what has achieved bring him close to his long or short term goal or during his achievement he found that the long term goal not what he want to achieve and changed his mind and a new goal appeared and clarified to him; which will make him feel whole, satisfactory and mean of life.
B) Found No Much Between Values and Goal:
- Client state his goal and what he want to achieve in his life,
- Test client goal against his value.
- Go deep with coach fully present to listen tentatively to what client is saying and not saying search for his underlying values he believes in, what stopping him from achieving his goals,
- Check with client what is more important his goal or values? What will give him happiness and satisfaction he need in his life.
- After clarifying and reaching balance between goal and values,
- Consider detailed plan, for easier following and measuring achievement
- Check how much of achievement have been done after agreeing with your client on following up frequency with him (weekly, monthly)
- Check client satisfaction of his achievement, do they need to accelerate or slowdown in order to enjoy achievement process and accept the feeling of rewarded or prized.
- Check with your client after accomplish his goals; satisfaction, celebration, acknowledgement of his accomplishment, whether what has achieved bring him close to his long or short term goal or during his achievement he found that the long term goal not what he want to achieve and changed his mind and a new goal appeared and clarified to him; which will make him feel whole, satisfactory and mean of life.
The main idea of this model is to reach the balance between values and goals, in order to live a life in its complete meaning to the client without any conflict within oneself.
| We all consist of several elements, either we inherited biologically or gain from living in families, schools, societies, communities. At the end these elements have to be complementary to each other and form a whole unit, otherwise a person would find himself lost or in conflict don’t know what to decide which to follow.Here we talk about values we live with and the goals we set in our life. How we can reach our balance by having matched goals and values; in order to avoid trying to reach goals not matching with our values, |  |
| Which would result to feel out of harmony, and distracted between values deep inside; and goals want to accomplish, which he thinks will give him higher value in the society or community or work he belongs to. |  |
How to reach with client this balance:
| Client starts by visualizing his goal and describe it in every details either physically and emotionally. What it means to him to reach such goal? How it will look like to reach his goal? What it feels to reach this goal, how important is his goal, how ready you are to reach your goal give rate on scale of 1-10 and 10 fully ready to do anything to reach this goal. |  |
| In order to put action plan to reach any goal, is to know first what resources, data we already have or require to have in order to achieve this goal,Client starts states what resources he has one of this resources is his values,He start to clarify what he think is the good value a person should have to live a life of harmony and content,Check whether this values he already have or wishing to have? In reaching his goal is this values going be helpful or will be standing in his way? If it’s standing in client way; what’s more important his values to live with or to achieve his goals? What will make him reach his satisfaction and content of himself, goal or values? What does it means to have a balanced combination between both values and goals? What is a combination he may think would work for him? What it feels to live in such balanced statues? |  |
| Client starts mix and matches his goals against their values, to reach the perfect combination of both values and goal, in his point of view, to feel wholeness, complete, satisfied, and contented.Ask your client after experience knowing his values, whether his goal is matched with his values or not? What is more important for him? Do you feel this goal with bring him satisfaction and content? Does he wish to change his goal or still want the same goal? |  |
| Test what they reach against their feelings and what other forms or goal they might want to reach, in order they will be sure they are going on the right track, and testing every option they would like to have, to reach the complete, satisfied and contented form they are feeling easy in. |  |
| In the middle of the process, ask him to Visualize the end result, how he feels? What is the different between first and second visualization images, feelings? Which one does he feels in ease and one unit? Which one he will continue to follow in order to reach the feelings he satisfied with?Acknowledge and celebrating their effort in the middle of the process, to know that every effort they put in the process is a step forward to their goal and to encourage them to keep on moving in order to reach their visualized results they had. |  |
That’s the moment every coach is waiting; to hear “AHHHH” the relieve sound of client find his way of harmony, satisfaction and content J and don’t need him (coach) anymore to keep fulfilling his harmony.
After reaching this “AHHHH” and making sure he reaches his feeling of fulfillment between his goals and values to combine this feeling with reality and benefit he will find reaching this harmony. Client start to outline his action plan, then detailed steps as mentioned before to agree on measurement s of accomplishment and frequency of checking progress. I think in this step of planning will be easy because client already knew his values and goals, and his vision is now clear and focused on what he really want, then plan will just flew out of him and will take great steps in reality.
[1] http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Definition_Personal_Values.html