A Coaching Model By Juliet Dyer, Life Coach, AUSTRALIA
Are you controlling your emotions or are they controlling you? Emotions are not our enemy; in fact, they are there to help guide us in life. But what happens when our actions as a result of our emotions are causing havoc in our lives?
Putting You Back in the Driver’s Seat of Your Life By BRAVING It
When we are in control of our emotions, we can change the way we show up in any given situation. The fundamental thing to remember is that emotions are important, they show up for a reason, generally because we care, but the thing about emotions is that when we are high in emotion, we are low in intelligence. Emotions often make us reactive instead of responsive. Emotions are NOT bad, they are a part of us, so why not learn what we need to learn about them, so we are no longer active, but responsive in any given situation.
It takes bravery to let go of the familiar and to CHOOSE to create change in your life.
We cannot create a new future, by holding on to the emotions of the past. Dr. Joe Dispenza
My coaching model allows people to step into who they are, bringing unconscious attitudes, awareness and behaviours to the forefront. It teaches people how to recognise when their emotions are ruling their behaviours and how to take the power back so that they can CHOOSE how they want to show up. Essentially, we are gaining the freedom of choice back into the client’s life. To be able to do this effectively it’s important to explore the impact that negative emotions have on the client’s life, and how past experiences can impact how someone reacts to things in the present moment. This coaching model is a blend of traditional pure coaching and therapy-based coaching, in particular the use of Emotional Intelligence Coaching, TimeLine Therapy® and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy.
You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness. Dr. Brene Brown
The BRAVING model, although similar in acronym to Brene Brown’s is very different. This is a blended form of coaching that helps people work on their emotional issues along with creating an action plan that will generate change and puts people back in their power.
What Is the Blended BRAVING Model?
B – Behaviour
R – Reactive to Responsive
A – Awareness
V – Values
I – Integrate
N – Nurture
G – Gain Control
The first step to creating change in your life is to acknowledge there is a problem and that you want to change it. Identifying the behaviour that is not serving you is the first step in creating growth What emotions keep showing up and are creating havoc in your life? Is there a repetitive pattern? What are these emotions stopping you from doing? What unwanted behaviours are these emotions creating within you? This first step is about identifying the attitude (mindset) that is creating the emotions and thoughts that are leading the behaviours you require tweaking so you can achieve your desired end goal.
Reactive to Responsive
There is a significant difference between being reactive versus being responsive. Some may say that it’s just semantics but imagine a world where you can choose how you show up at any given moment. A world where you are in control of your behaviour; of what you say and how you react to the world around you.
We have all experienced one of those moments in life where, in the heat of the moment, something has come out of our mouths and then a split second later we are beating ourselves up inside and instantly regret what we have said or the action we have taken. Reactive behaviour is immediate and occurs without conscious thought, like a knee-jerk reaction. It is often driven by emotion, where you may find yourself lashing out, shutting down or fighting. Typically, you behave like a victim of events and are not fully in control.
On the other hand, people who are responsive rather than reactive are generally calm. They are easygoing and they don’t get stressed easily. They take time to think things through, are generally good at planning and looking ahead. They are considered with their responses. They have empathy. Most importantly they don’t take things personally. They can look objectively at situations and not get caught in the emotion of it. They can take ownership, responsibility and accountability for all the good and not so good things that occur in their lives. They generally have a positive outlook on life, have great relationships and are well-liked.
Going from reactive to responsive requires awareness. In this section, we start to explore and develop a relationship with your unconscious mind through TimeLinene Therapy®. This section gives you the knowledge (the awareness) that is required to detach from past emotions and limiting beliefs, carrying your learnings forward and leaving the emotion behind. This is the start of putting you in control and bringing in the calm.
Wanting to create change in your life is amazing, but it is important to ensure that the change you are creating is aligned with your values. Values are what inspire, motivate, and guide us in life. Values determine how you want to be treated and how you treat others. They are your hearts deepest desires and fundamental to who you are and what you stand for.
Without action, there can be no change. This step is about integrating everything you have learnt and putting it into positive action.
Creating new behaviours takes time and discipline. Learning to let go of the familiar and embracing a new way of being can be tough work and this is where self-kindness and compassion come in. We are human beings and history has shown that we all make mistakes, so in this model when we make a mistake we learn from it. We are not hard on ourselves or talk negatively to ourselves, we use that mistake to learn how to do things differently. We are kind in our thoughts and our actions.
Once all the other steps in the BRAVING model are completed then start enjoying the ride. You have successfully gained control of your emotions, which means you have gained control of your life. You are in the driver’s seat, you are in control.
Learn from your pasts experiences, don’t allow what happened to you in your past to prevent you from living your best life. Disconnect from your past by learning what you need to learn, use that awareness to create positive actions today that are aligned with your values, that will lead you towards a purposeful life where you are now in CHOICE regarding how you show up in your life. No more excuses. You are the Victor in your story, that is now in control of their emotions.