A Coaching Model Created by Bar Schwartz
(Executive & Leadership Coach, GERMANY)
See what is so you can tell a different story
Clarity is a subjective experience. It is the feeling that you explicitly understand what you want and how you want it in a given situation.
The feeling of Clarity is often the outcome of realizing the answers for our burning questions. For
example, when the goal is to become healthier, being clear about it would include questions such as…
➔ What healthier means to you? Or What being healthy looks like?
➔ What is your current health state?
➔ What would be considered a good progression when it comes to becoming healthier?
➔ How would you know that you have progressed?
➔ What would need to happen for you to see this progress?
➔ What could stop you from progressing?
The Default State
It would have been amazing if clarity were the default state of most people. When we are challenged by something new, unclear or overwhelming, it is more likely for us to feel confusion than clarity.
When we feel confused and overwhelmed, our brain creates a story for us to fill in the gaps. We make assumptions about the situation, the intention of the people involved and the available solutions. We become narrow in our way of thinking and project meaning to everything that confirms the story we tell ourselves.
When we don’t take the time to clarify and keep operating in that feeling of confusion, we often tend to become even more confused. Sometimes we even settle for solutions that are not aligned with what we want.
Catch the feeling. Recognize that you are feeling confused or overwhelmed.
Learn about it. Get curious and explore your story and reasons to feeling that way.
Embrace it. Accept that you feel the way you feel and that you’re responsible to change it.
Alter your story. Differentiate your perspective from the facts and tell yourself a new story.
Respond to your emotions by telling yourself and others the new story.
Alexa has issues with her manager. Despite discussing the topic multiple times, her manager keeps reaching out to her team and request them to work on different tasks than what Alexa asked them to work on.
- Catch - the First step is for Alexa to recognize her emotion in the context of the situation. What does she feel? Alexa is frustrated with her manager.
- Learn - Second is understanding what in the situation is creating that feeling. What is it about? The manager not trusting her? The sense of not being in control of the priorities? Alexa feels confused by her manager behavior and assumes it is because her manager doesn’t trust her.
- Embrace - Third is embracing the feeling. Acknowledging that this is how she is feeling and take responsibility for that feeling.
- Alter - Fourth is exploring different perspectives. What if the story we tell ourselves was not true? For Alexa,what if her manager was trusting her, what else could be the reason for the behavior?
- Respond - Sixth is taking action with the new story. Alexa realized that she was assuming bad intentions. She doesn’t know the reasons. Hence, she needs to discuss the behavior and impact on her with her manager. Having the clarity that she doesn’t know enables her to have this conversation.