Goals:
Janet’s goals at the outset were:
- to rediscover her sense of style as it relates to her new location, business and her professional presence,
- to gain confidence in communicating with beauty professionals about her hair and makeup,
- and to be supported in overcoming discomfort and perceived inadequacies about her physical appearance so that she can age gracefully without feeling like she’s fading away.
The Coaching Process:
The remaining 11 coaching sessions took place over a period of four months. The coaching tools I used with Janet most effectively were powerful listening, powerful questioning, paraphrasing/mirroring, acknowledgment, and challenging her to use the resources at her disposal to research and expand her understanding of a given topic. These tools were employed in each coaching session and other tools such as observation/description, defining and checking her core values (identity), role playing, pros and cons, and visualization were utilized when needed. Janet gained many insights into her attitudes, underlying beliefs and values surrounding her appearance. The surprising outcome for me was that she also began to have insights about herself in other, seemingly unrelated, areas of life including seeing the interplay of the dynamics of her family, romantic relationships, work, and personality with her appearance. Rather than recounting each coaching session individually, I will describe the arc of Janet’s journey goal by goal.
Defining Her Style
Janet focused her attention on defining her sense of style. She discussed how she approached her style in the past and disclosed that she was uncertain what direction to go now that she was starting a new business. We discovered several factors to consider. She was aware that relocating to the Southwest meant there were different cultural norms for appearance in the business world but she still wasn’t quite sure what was expected. Secondly, she was raised to be very utilitarian and not spend much time or effort on her appearance. She struggled with balancing utility with the fun of “being a girl”. Lastly, she had lost a significant amount of weight over the last several years and her mental image of herself hadn’t caught up with her outward appearance.
To move Janet forward, we strategized ways she could:
- widen her understanding of what was expected in her field in the Southwest,
- enjoy the fun of “being a girl” without being impractical,
- and bring her mental image of herself into alignment with her outward appearance.
Janet formulated a plan of action to:
- observe and record how other women in her industry dressed while attending various networking events, workshops and client meetings,
- experiment with clothing and makeup in a “dress rehearsal” to prepare for upcoming meetings and interviews,
- and evaluate her existing wardrobe to see what fits her current body correctly and what needs to be replaced and updated.
The result was:
- Janet discovered the standards for hair, makeup and attire for women coaches in her area and became confident that her professional appearance is appropriate.
- By “dress rehearsing” with the clothing she already had, Janet discovered which combinations made her feel most confident and competent for different types of events.
- By taking the time to go through her closet and evaluate her post-weight-loss wardrobe, Janet began to “see” herself more accurately and adjust her self-image to match her external appearance.
Communicating with Confidence
Janet chose to focus some of our coaching sessions on gaining confidence in communicating with beauty professionals about hair and makeup. She recounted her frustrating experiences over the last several years. She had never worn much makeup and had stopped wearing it entirely while she focused on school. She also found that her new location had a much warmer climate and when she did wear makeup, it seemed to need touching-up frequently and sometimes melted off completely. She also hadn’t found a new stylist that she really trusted. Each time she went to her hair appointment she had high hopes of getting a great haircut that wasn’t too hard to style and complemented her features. Unfortunately, she always left the salon feeling disappointed.
This lead her to believe that she lacked the vocabulary to accurately describe what she wanted. She also had a hard time finding a stylist that she connected with on a personal level. She didn’t just want a good cut, she also wanted to build a relationship with her stylist so that she could trust him/her to understand her lifestyle and see the whole picture when giving advise, tips, and input in the future. She felt a connection to her current stylist, but was unhappy with the cuts he gave her. She considered finding someone new but was uncertain she’d be able to find both the connection and the talent.
To move Janet forward, we strategized ways she could:
- educate herself on hairstyling terms and types of makeup,
- communicate what she wanted beyond just having the right words,
- find a stylist that was both talented and connected with her personally,
- and find a makeup artist and could help her find the right makeup.
Janet formulated a plan of action to:
- research hair styling in hair magazines and internet resources for pictures and descriptions of hairstyles she liked,
- and to develop a list of questions to ask a prospective stylist/makeup artist along with a script of what she wanted.
The result was:
- Janet’s perspective that she lacked the knowledge and terminology to effectively communicate shifted to knowing she was an effective communicator because she was equipped with words, pictures and an understanding of her own skills and desires.
- By being proactive and asking good questions, she found a stylist and makeup artist with whom she felt both confident in their talent and a personal connection.
- Both her new stylist and makeup artist listened to her and appreciated the work she had put into educating herself and helped her to find the products and styles that fit her needs and desires.