HALF FULL LOVE TANK
What in the world is a half-full love tank?! I have sat with a blank page for days now, knowing there is something here to be explored and having no idea what it is. I ask myself, “If we are currently not empty and not full/overflowing, why is it such a challenge to describe where exactly we are?”
A half-full love tank suddenly becomes as clear as a cloudless sky. I pray you see it as well. Have you become so focused on where you have been (no love of self) and where you are headed (loving yourself and others in a healthy wholesome manner) that you have failed to notice; or even despised where you are? May I propose that where you are, in fact, where we all are in different aspects of our lives is this in-between place?
Half-full or in-between is having an awareness of who you are and an experience of who you are not. Do you want to thrive in in-between? Let me show you how.
I am generous
How are you, in this moment, showering your “self” with generosity? Here are a few questions that are worth asking in the first person.
- Am I my friend and motivator?
- Am I acutely aware of my needs, wants, desires, moods?
- Am I patient and loving towards me?
- Is there synergy in the way I relate with myself and with others?
By now, you are becoming more aware of the recipient of your generosity, your kindness, your faithfulness, your self-control.
Can you see some equality in the way you treat you and how you treat others. Could you have spent all this time escaping from your “self” by projecting your desires on other people? Do you show mercy and grace to everyone but yourself? Are you your own worst critic? Are you constantly scolding yourself for actions and omissions? Well, stop it and be nice to you!
Can you really offer genuine unconditional love to anyone if you have not first offered it to yourself? Can you invite someone into an experience, a love affair if you will, that is foreign to you? It is your choice.
Offer yourself your generosity, your patience and kindness and you will find that there is more than enough to go round. The more good you offer yourself, the more good you are able to offer to the people you are in relationshi with.
I offer permission
To have come this far in your journey of loving self and others is worth celebrating. Give yourself permission to celebrate.
Celebrate your deepening self-awareness. Celebrate the choices you are making.
Celebrate how far you have come. Celebrate the fact that where you are right now is not the finished product – you are still work in progress and there is yet more magnificence to uncover and glorious wonder to explore.
Yes! You are magnificent and you are a glorious wonder. You know it about yourself and you see it in others, so why not celebrate the truth? If you can permit yourself to be magnificent, from the pure love in you, you will permit everyone else to be magnificent too.
When you see magnificence in you, you will see magnificence in everyone. It is like buying a car and suddenly seeing that make and model everywhere.
THE IMPACT OF A “FULL’ LOVE TANK ON RELATIONSHIPS
In your focused activity – loving your self and others – you will find yourself making different choices in your relating to others. These choices are your responsibility. You will become more aware that another person’s behavior, reaction or response should have no bearing on your decision to align more closely to your thoughts and behaviors toward your self and the other person. Notice that feelings are omitted here, for you will still fee pain, disappointment, displeasure and even anger. Despite your feelings, you are now more empowered to be more fully aligned to your values, beliefs and choices.
Two simple choices, that you may find yourself making, are:
Photo vs video
- Choose to see each person as an evolving being, one who is in the process of "becoming". This will help you remove judgements from past behavior and past experience.
- Choose to see each person with fresh eyes every moment. Now your behavior and response toward another person will be defined by how you see them in this moment.
- Choose to live from and display unconditional love, for in the end, are you responsible for others or for yourself?
- Choose to show another person the "way to go" without trying to make them go the way you would. You are free to make your own choices, yes? How about releasing everyone else to make their own choices?
Do bear in mind that you will probably want to practise these choices on yourself first before you are truly offer these same choices to others.
Now if you take responsibility for loving your ‘self’; your behavior; your beliefs and your responses, and if you choose to live from a perspective of unconditional love in each moment, guess who’s going to change and be true, lacking guile and contradictions? Yes, you!
Now, what impact could your life make in your world if you lived this way? The ripple effect could be enormous. Therefore it is worth a try. Take responsibility. Live from love. See yourself and others as a video (as in forward motion) rather than a photo (as in static and still).
Take delight
When about to interact, you could choose to wait until you feel delight toward another person. What does delight look like? Delight could be honor – you could actually choose to joyfully honor the creatively unique glory each person possesses. This glory could be skills learned, values cherished, beliefs held. And the wondrous thing is, this person’s glory could be completely different from your glory. Difference is no longer celebrated or punished for it is no longer a factor that affects your choice. The choice is simply this – wait, look, find, delight in another person and then fully immerse self in the interaction or encounter.
THE COACHING PROCESS
All of this, I have taken into my coaching relationships and I am starting to see the fruit of my choices. If you wish to build healthy relationships and would like to start with you, here is my top recommendation – find yourself a coach!
Here are some benefits of the coaching relationship.
WHAT YOUR COACH BRINGS
- Your relationship coach will create a sacred space for you to explore who you really are. In this sacred space, your coach will help you recognize and take ownership of yourself.
- Your relationship coach will trust that you are the expert of your own life and will help you find ways to trust yourself.
- Your relationship coach will listen to what you have to say and tell you what (s)he is hearing (so you get to hear what you are actually saying!)
- Your relationship coach will explore with you the little things for which you are truly grateful. So easily do the little things get missed in the tidal wave of human emotions.
- Your relationship coach will help you find ways to give citation to your deepening awareness of who you are. And upon discovery, your coach will celebrate joyously with you!
- Your relationship coach will encourage you to practise your new way of life in order to build your confidence in yourself until the point where you do not need the coach any longer. Yes, it is true, your coach desires that you to come to a place where you do not need them any longer!
WHAT YOU GAIN
The most wonderful outcome of the coaching relationship is empowerment. In the process of developing a working trusting relationship with your coach you will find that in choosing to love your ‘self’, you will be better equipped to love others.
- You will leave your sessions with this truth deeply embedded in your soul - “I love me when I know me” - and you will live your life making those choices that align with the ‘you’ that you arebecoming familiar with.
- You will adopt of a lifestyle of mindful living. When you are aware of ‘self’ you can find ways to live aligned to who you really are.
- You will be equipped to create and nurture even deeper awareness, constantly learning, reviewing and growing through the conversations with your relationship coach and the observations you make outside the sacred space,
- You will become strong enough to replace judgement with responsibility for your own thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
- You will learn to live your life consciously; making authentic choices that align with who you are.
- You will also learn to recognize the unconsciously learned behaviors that you exhibit and take ownership of these.
- You will create an ease and a simplicity in your relationship with others, instinctively permitting everyone you encounter to uncover and celebrate their own magnificence. You will enjoy their magnificence and allow them to enjoy yours.
In conclusion, I offer you an invitation. Do you desire a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your loved ones and colleagues? The answer may lie in a deeper, more meaningful and loving relationship with yourself.