A Coaching Power Tool Created by Tania Wolf
(Life Coach, GERMANY)
Dave: “Wow. Thank you so much. I’m a bit taken aback by this. This is incredible! It just proves that a guy from nowhere…can actually make it, if he follows his dreams. I’ve been practicing this speech…into a shampoo bottle in the shower my entire life. Gosh. Thank you.”
Gretta: “What dreams? We never had those dreams. I don’t remember those dreams.”
Steve: “How do you know?”
Gretta: “Because I know him.”
Steve: “Maybe they were private dreams. Maybe he just never told you about them.”
(Dialogue extracted from Begin Again, 2014).
The above dialogue expresses the common mistaken assumption that a goal must be shared to be valid.
In addition, it reflects the importance of having a true intention, owning an authentic dream, possessing a goal that belongs to self, really owning it.
In the studied scenario, Dave had dreamt about receiving a Grammy his entire life. What did he do? He rehearsed it, pursued it and achieved it. On the other hand, Gretta did not have that goal and never thought about having it.
When she states, “we never had those dreams,” it is clear that she is completely unaware of what Dave really wanted all along.
Had she known about his goal, would she have pursued it too?
Would she have owned that desire or would she have borrowed his desire for reaching it?
Had she decided to pursue it, would she have her fingerprints in that aim?
Would accomplishing it feel to her as important as it felt to him?
This story line is very common in real life.
People frequently assume that goals must belong to more than the self in order to be credible, valid, trustworthy and pursued. That in order to be sound, in order to make sense, a goal should be obvious, shared and exposed.
Moreover, many expect personal goals to be approved by another party.
Countless individuals assume that wanting or having a desire for something equals having a genuine goal.
Really owning a goal is a key factor for successful life accomplishments.
First off, standards of success are individual and cannot be measured by anyone else.
You have heard that whatever you wish, you can! It may seem cliché but actually, if you have an inner connection to what you really want, if your intention is legitimate and logical, you are naturally driven into pursuing your goal. And if you don’t pursue it, feelings of frustration arise.
While reading this, you may think, “But I want it.”
So, I invite you to have a journey within your reasons and be truthful.
What is it that you want?
What is it that you want the most?
How is it important for YOU and you alone?
Reaching a goal is quite doable, you know. An example would be losing weight. One, who connects to an inner intention of doing it, succeeds. The greater challenge is tailoring a plan suitable for individual differences, regarding eating habits, cravings, genetics, and other influential factors. But why do some succeed in keeping the lost weight off and others gain it back?
Well, often the answer lies in the difference between owning a true connection to the outcome, so true that it is treasured, pursued, and cared for; or wanting it, without establishing a meaningful link to the desire of keeping the reached outcome. It is how personally relevant it is and what one wants the most!
Fundamentally, such goal needs to be intrinsically yours, you own it.
How true to you is this commitment?
How much do you want to accomplish it?
What would be your number one priority in your given scenario?
How willing are you to implementing changes in your life?
One of the best assets in coaching is that there is never a one size fits all formula to be followed. What exists is a diversity of tools that may be used to identify clarity towards a successful outcome. Such implementation allows for self-clarity through correct usage & adaptation of plan to your personal and unique reality.
Owning a Goal
Brings about feelings of power and is the one you feel resourceful enough to pursue.
It is real and valid within the self, truly authentic.
You feel that it belongs to you. It is true to you.
Attaining it seems like a proper move. You have a genuine connection to it. Y
our own your goal when it is perceived as reachable and attainable in spite of possible challenges.
Your plan might be designed one way, followed through or changed along the way, based on your evolution through the process and your connection to its strengths. An action plan designed to a client who legitimately wants to reach a goal contains the client’s fingerprints along the process.
When you own a goal it is sincerely, authentically and genuinely yours!
Borrowing a Goal
Borrowing a goal refers to lack of specification. One may want it but not connect to it at a deeper level. A borrowed goal is weak in its own origins. Its implementation is not defined within the self and brings about feelings of renunciation and frustration.
An illegitimate goal is driven by the desire of reaching an outcome with no real link between outcome and origin. Its application is not clearly justified.
It might seem important but it has no authentic personal relevance. It might seem like a desired but it would, perhaps, bring about aspiration to reach what someone else has reached. or maybe follow an idea expressed by someone else without proper investigation on how the self relates to it.
In addition, borrowing might be connected to reaching an imposed outcome set by a third party. A goal will be borrowed until an inner connection and a genuine desire is acknowledged, identified, and certified.
Designing and molding a plan to fit your goal is critical. However, while tailoring the plan, it is crucial to identify your personal connection to your aim. It is essential to investigate your inner reasons for the existence of such intention. It is necessary to prepare for its implementation. All along, of course, comprehending that adaptations, personal awareness, and individual traits are key factors for successful goal achievements.
As your coach, my main goal is to support you in finding your genuine connection, aid you in identifying your ownership over what it is that you want. Once the connection is determined and your desire to accomplish it is owned by you, together we tailor the steps to support you in your journey.
Goal Status Identification
Here are some possible questions to help you identifying the strengths of your goal:
- What does this outcome bring about for you?
- What has prevented you from reaching this goal before?
- If you could touch this goal, how would it feel like on your skin?
- Why is it important that you reach this goal?
- What needs to happen for you to feel strong to pursue it?
- If not a goal, what is it?
- If you could see the final result reflected on a mirror right now, what would you see?
- What inner resources do you have that can support you along the way?
- Had it been just accomplished, what would you do straight away?
- • If you could change something about the outcome, what would it be?
- What will change in your life when you reach this?
- Is it going to affect someone else’s life?
- Why do want these changes?
- If you could describe your reached goal in a word, how would you describe it?
- How much of your fingerprints are there in this goal?
- How do you feel you own it? Are there someone else’s fingerprints also there?
- If so, what are they doing there?
- How do you like these other prints being there?
If you don’t like them there:
- How can you remove them?
- Where would you place them?
- What would you change about the goal now so that it is only yours?