The Transformation
- Envision Success
A great way to start shifting perspective from one of dependence to one of confidence, is envisioning our success. Envisioning success is developing the mindset which allows us to believe that we will be confident and that this feeling will benefit us. This image can spur us on and rev up the proverbial engine of motivation and desire and get us to the finish line.
- Getting in Touch
This next step is similar to envisioning success but it takes it step further by getting in touch with ourselves. Know why we are afraid; become more aware of why we are dependent. A great exercise to really get in touch with ourselves and move forward is to close our eyes and live the experience. This means try to become aware of what we feel and the environment surrounding us. Try to imagine ourselves in a situation where confidence is needed but we have feelings of dependency. What triggers these emotions of dependency? The more we are aware, the more we are able to counteract them with confidence.
We can apply this exercise to the following example. Nancy has been living at home her entire life. She is a great student and has been awarded a full scholarship at a prestigious university out of state. She is having reservations about accepting the scholarship and is considering attending a local college close to home. Nancy decides to try the Getting in Touch exercise to become more aware of why she is hesitating to accept the scholarship. She closes her eyes and pictures accepting the scholarship. She then focuses on what feelings arise from this decision. She realizes that she is afraid to leave home and remove herself from her dependency on her parents. She is now prepared to address her fears as she becomes more in touch with her true feelings.
- Past Experiences
A way to build onto the next step is to tap into our past achievements. Past experiences help us feel accomplished. Let us try to recall previous situations where we moved out of our comfort zones and worked it out. How did we feel initially and contrast that with how we felt afterwards. How can we enable ourselves to get back to that state of inner strength which propelled us forward?
- The Unique You
You are special! Look at yourself and write down what you can do that no one else can. How have you impacted others? What good or kindness have you done? Let the focus be placed on yourself. When you can turn your attention away from others and onto yourself, you can be proud of who you truly are and value all that you can be.
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes. Sally Field
Reflections
- When you hear the words confidence and dependence, what do they mean to you?
- Where do you see dependency being involved in your life?
- Where do you see the possibility of confidence supporting you?
- What are some past experiences that can encourage you to shift from dependence to confidence?
Coaching Application
As coaches it is our job to create awareness and support our clients while giving them the space to move forward. The more self awareness clients have, the clearer they will be in what it takes to shift perspective. Here are some techniques that coaches can implement in order to move clients from dependency to confidence.
The List
Writing down and putting onto paper is a beneficial tool for clients to clarify their thoughts. Asking powerful, thought provoking questions such as: What past experiences of success have you had? Has confidence previously impacted your life? How did it feel? Encouraging clients to write down their responses instead of immediately orally responding can allow them the time and space to recall more detail with extra clarity.
Role Playing
It is not who you are that holds you back. It’s who you think you’re not. Author Unknown
Another powerful tool is role playing. Very often the fear of moving forward is what holds clients back. We are so used to being within our comfort zone that even if we see the benefits of change, we don’t want to leave that safe haven. By allowing our clients to step into real life situations and work through the steps as if they were real can relieve the anxiety that so often holds back progress. A coach can support clients with this to see themselves as if they are there already and thereby empowering clients to enter this new and fabulous stage in their lives.
Reflections
How does making lists serve your clients
- What type of lists would support them?
- How can role playing be a powerful tool for clients?