A Coaching Power Tool created by Mihaly Kozak
(Life coach, HUNGARY)
I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer. Jim Carrey
Human mind often wonders what could have or should have happened with us in the past. Similarly, many times it wonders what will or should happen in the future. When these thoughts are positive we feel hope and satisfaction. But when they are not and when we are lamenting on our unfulfilled desires we may became frustrated. This power tool helps the client to move from frustration to acceptance, and then to satisfaction by getting a clear value system and a new perspective and developing gratitude in their lives.
Frustration – What it is
According to a definition in one of the online dictionaries frustration is “a feeling of dissatisfaction resulting from unfulfilled needs”. One can make serious efforts to reach or get certain things, fulfill certain desires and sometimes they are achieved – but often they can’t be. As the great Rolling Stones sang: “You can’t always get what you want”. And that feeling, when your desires and needs are unfulfilled, is called frustration. When frustration becomes constant it can lead to depression.
Satisfaction – What it is
Satisfaction is described as “the fulfillment the desires, expectations, needs, or demands of a person or mind”. There are different approaches in different philosophies and cultures how one can get satisfied; here I distinguish between three main directions. First is the one, where people say the source of satisfaction is to fulfill all your desires, and desire even more or something new. Secondly, especially the Eastern philosophies emphasize the acceptance of whatever you have and get from fate or God, be happy with it, and desire even less. And last, there are those who bring attention to moving away from the matter, and praises not to have any material desire because they are temporary and get satisfaction from the spirit or soul.
Shifting from Frustration to Satisfaction
In order to shift from frustration to satisfaction, it is important to understand what role desire plays in this process. Desires mean hoping for an outcome or longing for someone. Our desires are essential part of either getting frustrated or being satisfied. Proactivity in creating and becoming more aware of our desires are essential. What shall we do when we feel frustrated and what shall we do to avoid situations which can create frustration?
In consumer society one of the main goals of human life, hence the main value is to consume goods and services. To participate in this society, one of the criteria is to buy. If you already have something, get a newer, nicer, faster, better one. The eagerness to buy something is led by desire. The best and most ancient way of creating desires is to put advertisements in different sorts of media, as those are the channels where masses can be reached. When you see, hear and feel about something many times in different places the chances are bigger you start to desire for it.
Starting with the smallest and going to the biggest. They created a saving account and they deposited into it regularly. At the beginning smaller amounts but later more and more. In their coaching sessions the other realizations they had that it is not just all about finances but a way of thinking how they approach life. Eastern philosophies influenced them and they understood that the key is to their satisfaction is not getting more and more things but being satisfied whatever comes. They became conscious about what influences they allowed in their lives. They did not watch that much TV shows, advertisements, did not spend that much time in plazas because they saw them as hidden sources for creating new desires. And as previously they experienced they could not keep up fulfilling them so they got into debt and finally became frustrated.
So they paid most of their debts, and saved up some money for later. They are planning to have children in the next few years because now they feel that they can provide them. They simplified their lives. They found new ways finding happiness and satisfaction. They spend more time with friends, regularly go out for a walk to the surrounding mountains. They understood that satisfaction does not necessarily have to come from spending money, but new experiences can be easily created without spending a lot.
Create a shift of perspective and addressing underlying believes It is not always clear what causes frustration. The example above illustrates that it seemed that budgeting is the main reason for them but later they became more aware of their underlying believes and from there they could create a new and fresh way of thinking which finally lead them out from debt. In their new perspective they realized that source of happiness does not depend on spending money but it can be found in relationships and activities.
The other important factor is being aware of our own values and proactively reevaluate it from time to time, and not letting other’s values reactively and negatively influence it. Clients need to own the new perspective otherwise no long term results can be reached.
It is a state of mind when you see everything through the eyes of thankfulness. It is important to be grateful what life provides us. We can live a life where we are always frustrated what we don’t have, even if we have treasures – maybe we just can’t appreciate it enough. Human mind always wants something more, something new. So we don’t have to worry about going to hell afterlife as we can easily create it ourselves inside our minds and suffer there for eternity. Th continuous demanding mentality, that we deserve everything in life creates even more dissatisfaction. Being grateful is wonderful and natural human feeling and we can improve it in ourselves. Perfect exercise is to create a gratitude journal where the client can take notes what they are grateful today. This can help to overcome general negativity and the feeling of frustration.
- What examples would you give when you were frustrated,
- and how did you solve that situation?
- How satisfied are you with your life now?
- What are you grateful for?
- What is your method handling frustration?
- What is your source of satisfaction?