Reflection:
Think about a time when you were telling someone your story and somehow the conversation became all about them.
- How did you feel when this happened?
- Can you recall the point when the conversation changed?
- Do you recall a time you have done this same thing with a friend, acquaintance or client? What would you do the next time? Would it be different?
When entering the realm of self-reflection and self-correction and subsequently using tools related to this task to “help” a client, something else can happen. The coach suddenly becomes self-conscious and no longer client-conscious– unaware of what is really best for the client. If this is an area in which the coach has struggled in the past, it can trigger past hurts and drive the coach further into this forbidden realm. The coach may become vulnerable to this self-reflection during the client’s session and revert to coaching herself via the client. In some cases the client may become puzzled because it seems the story is no longer about him– that the advice is not relevant to his experience. A resolution may be delayed because the client is no longer connected to his story. The coach is no longer a
man [or woman] of understanding” for the client and can no longer “draw [the client’s purposes] out.
Below are representative client perspectives on what is needed from a coach, excerpted directly from Adaptive Coaching:
- Be more open in helping the coachee develop his ideas rather than providing him direction.
- Help the person being coached to consider the culture and what will actually work in the organization rather than a pure view of what is best in a vacuum but may not fly in practice.
- Take more time to find out the history of the individual (what he has done, good and not so good, his experience).
- Be more open in helping me develop my ideas rather than providing me with direction.
- In my opinion, it is important to view coaching more as a part of a long-term development process, instead of a way to solve specific performance problems.
Application:
Consider role playing with a fellow coach or colleague. Each of you takes turns as client and coach. When playing the coach role, try first projecting the coach’s perspective on the client, then reflecting the client’s perspective back to the client.
- Are the outcomes different? How so?
- What could you do if you found yourself in this situation as a coach?
- What could help you become aware when this begins happening?
- How could you prepare for your sessions so that you avoid entering this process?
As a coach, your tool box becomes increasingly rich with implements designed for addressing challenges such the danger of projecting as described in this article. Several of these familiar tools can be applied to encourage client-focused sessions so the sessions remain authentic for the client’s learning style, personality, culture, etc.
As the title of this power tool suggests, reflecting may be the first tool to emerge, especially as a catalyst for more active listening. When a coach directly reflects a client’s words, the client is then able to recognize that they are being heard and the coach is forced to listen directly to the client’s words without making judgment.
The next step may be the coach allowing space for the client to respond or perhaps reflect again or to express how this reflection has triggered new thoughts or perspectives. As the coach allows this space and continues to focus actively on what the client is saying, seeking only to reflect back what is heard, the flow of the process can continue more organically.
The coach may now be sensitive to powerful questions that are driven by sincere curiosity and concern for the client. Rather than delving into the coach’s own vault of experience, consequence, and advice for solution, the coach begins to trust the path the client chooses to explore possibilities for the next action step.
Application:
- Which tools in your collection would you use to avoid projecting?
- Describe how these could be used.
- How will you know when to use these tools?
- What are some vulnerable areas you can preemptively prepare yourself to stay client-focused? How can you identify these during a coaching session?
- In what ways can a coaching session be reverted back to a client-centered approach if initially diverted to coach-centered?
Sources Cited:
- The New Student Bible, Expanded & Updated: New International Version. Ed. International Bible Society. Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1986. Print.
- Spear, Karen I., and BACON, Terry R. (2003-10-25). Adaptive Coaching : The Art and Practice of a Client-Centered Approach to Performance Improvement (Kindle Locations 261-269). Nicholas Brealey Publishing. Kindle Edition.