A Coaching Power Tool Created by Erin Perry
(Health & Wellness Coach, UNITED STATES)
Are we victims in our own lives?
Does life randomly happen to us?
Are we either lucky or unlucky?
Do we hope for the best while thinking and expecting the worst?
Or, maybe, just maybe, do we have a choice in it all?
What if life is a choice?
What if we could have the life we want through our thoughts and actions?
Can you imagine how much control we would have?
In her book, A Return To Love, Marianne Williamson has a famous quote that says,
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
It took me a long time to understand this quote. Why wouldn’t we want to believe that we are powerful beyond measure? I could not understand that. Realizing how powerful we are is so, well, Empowering! And, if you are in the right place and ready then it’s an awesome thing.
Then it hit me that many of us are not yet ready for that kind of power.
Once we admit we have that power then we can no longer play the victim can we? We can no longer hide behind life happening to us. We would have to take responsibility for our own lives and that can be scary! Gone would be the crutch, the excuses, the bad luck, the self pity. If my life was based on my thoughts and choices what could I hide behind when it’s not going the way I want it to go?
I’ll use myself as an example here.
I’m not less fit than I wish I was because of luck. It’s not because of genetics, it’s not life.
I’m not as fit as I wish I were because of my choice not to work out every day. My CHOICE. Therein lies my power. If I let life happen to me, then I’m likely not going to work out every single day, my body won’t look and move in the way I wish it would. I could very easily feel sorry for myself. Complain about how unfair life is. I could look at the girl on the cover of Fitness Magazine and be eaten alive by jealousy about how lucky she is. Is she though? Is she lucky? Or, perhaps, does she make the choice to work out as often as she can? And maybe she watches everything she puts into her mouth. Maybe she chooses to work her butt off to look like that. She has a choice just like I do. Her choices get her to where she [presumably] wants to be. Mine keep me stuck.
We never seem to think that deeply about it when we want to stay in our self pity comfort zone.
It’s easier to think about this girl and think how lucky she is to be so fit. When I think that way, I don’t have to take responsibility. And when I don’t take responsibility I don’t have to get my butt up off the couch and do something! I also don’t get to look and feel that want I want to either though. Can you see the vicious circle? It’s easy to judge others, to feel sorry for ourselves, to feel like we have no power. But, we do. We have a choice. We always, always have a choice. We can’t always choose what happens to us, of course, but we can choose how we are going to react. We get to choose what we are going to do. Am I going to go for a walk today or sit on the couch and watch my favorite tv show? Am I going to lift weights or spend hours on Face Book? Will I choose to eat something that will make me feel good or food that makes me feel guilty so I can keep being the victim and feeling like life is unfair? Change happens one choice at a time. Once we understand how much power we have, the world is our oyster.
When we hear our client playing the victim or feeling powerless it’s important for us to help them take back control.
How do we move our clients from letting life happen to you have a choice? As coaches we are there to guide our clients. We help empower them so they can reach their goals. Clients come to us because they are ready to change. Once we help them gain clarity about what they want, discuss obstacles and how to overcome them, we can then move them into action and into a place where they are taking control of their lives instead of life controlling them. By asking powerful questions our clients can come up with the choices that will that will move them towards their goals.
Some simple questions could be:
- What could you do?
- What is within your power?
- What are some choices that you have?
- Sometimes just realizing that you have a choice can be empowering!
- When have you felt out of control in your own life?
- Do you ever feel like a victim?
- Do you feel like life just happens to you?
- What would being empowered feel like?
- What would you be able to accomplish if you had more control in your life?
- What can you take control of today?
- What decisions can you make to move towards your goals?