A Coaching Model Created by Naela Omar
(Life Coach, EGYPT)
This coaching model is specific for anyone who had a great loss and lead to their hearts broken. A broken heart can happen for many reasons, like the death of someone dear or the end of a relationship. The sure thing is that nothing remains the same after that incident. The world looks different. The person starts to question all his beliefs. He may also start to feel he’s already dead! What actually happens is that this person denies his feelings, and he starts to detach from life. At that point, this person needs to “Come Back to life”. It is a journey where he is reborn after that experience he has been through. He is a totally new person, who has learnt a lot with his past experiences and sees the world from a more advanced perspective.
Kheper is the scarab beetle. It is a god in ancient Egyptian religion that represents creation and rebirth. Kheper or (Xeper) is a transcription of an ancient Egyptian word meaning to come into being, to change, to occur, to happen, to exist, to bring about, to create, etc.
Similarly, in this rebirth process the person has to roll through many phases, each of which will get him closer back to life. Those phases don’t have to be clear; they could be overlapping or repeating depending on the way the person grows. And how he gains awareness about himself and how he views life. These phases are described as below.
For the person to start to Kheper, he first accepts his current state, his late loss, all the pain he is going through, being weak. Normally there is a kind of fight within the human. He can’t accept his emotions, he starts to deny them or fight them, as if he doesn’t have the right to feel sad, or weak, or heart broken. He was taught to be tough and strong, weakness is not allowed, and sorrow means he has no patience or faith. All this kind of feelings he considers not allowed, so he either hides them deep inside, or he lives with a fight inside of him. With the acceptance all the emotions come on the top, and the person starts to understand what could be going on. This is one of the hardest phases because the client may get so emotional, the coach should be wise to handle his emotions.
A part of acceptance is self-love, when the person starts to see his dark side; this could lead that he hates himself. This could be the reason at first place he denied all his emotions. The client needs to love himself unconditionally. He understands his human nature; he accepts his own flaws. He makes use of this phase to learn more about himself and see if there is anything he would like to work on to change.
In cases of breakups, the client needs to take responsibility of his own part in that break up. Any relationship depends on each of the couple evenly. The client learns what mistakes he made and learn how not to repeat them again. In order for Kheper to become fruitful, the best thing is to make it a learning process.
One of the main reasons the person goes into that state, is his fear that he faces himself that the way he understood life was the wrong way. This means he will feel insecure because the laws he had followed were all wrong, and he doesn’t know how to go on in life. Here again the client needs to accept that it is fine not to understand life. He restores faith in himself and in the world. He starts to believe that however things may look bad; there is always a bright side for them. The coach’s main focus is to help the client see that bright side clearly.
Dr. John Demartini says: “You won’t attract an opportunity without a challenge, and happiness comes hand in hand with sadness. The moment that you realize this balance and observe the perfect equilibrium around you is the day you become liberated. At that moment you will know that the world is perfectly balanced, both within and without. It is then that you are able to manage your own life and no longer be controlled by the praise and blame that often run the lives of those who remain unaware of this mystery. That is when you begin to forge your own destiny, and allow the enlightened part of you that knows this mystery to direct your life; rather than allow the part of you that hopes and fears to run it.”
Open up to life
Here the client starts learning to enjoy back life. He could look at the little things first then move on to the activities he used to enjoy. The client is preferred to have a good support system to help him in this phase. Staying with people around him who love him unconditionally will help him regain his energy.
At this point the client starts believing he deserves the best. He believes in the light within. He believes in the support of God and that he has all he needs to go on. Either his intuition or other skills he may have acquired through his life experiences, specially his latest experience that brought him to Kheper.
The client needs to know that letting go doesn’t mean his love for the late one is dead. Love doesn’t depend on time or space. Love is not owning that person. Love is wishing that person good either here or in heaven. Letting go frees the client from any feelings that could be blocking his energy to attract new life to enjoy. Letting go means leaving the past in the past and starting a new life with his new learnings and his new him!
In each of the above phases, the client needs to take all the time in order to mature and totally absorb it, till he is ready to move to the next one.
The client needs to have a clear space to express his emotions and even learn to do so. Some clients find it very challenging to express what they feel.
The client will normally have doubts while going through these phases. That is the time the coach needs to give him all the support he needs to keep going in his own evolution.
One of the best practices to help the client stay in the moment, and doesn’t go back to the past with all its troubles.
Special thanks to my dear friend Ramast Magdy for his help guiding me choose the right symbol from the ancient Egyptian history.